


What's more Beautiful Than a Fallen Angel? The Stars in His Lover's Eyes.

by Lesbian_Writings



Category: Half-Life
Genre: American Sign Language, Assassin AU, M/M, Mute Gordon Freeman, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, just a little bit, little bit of angst later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25248304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesbian_Writings/pseuds/Lesbian_Writings
Summary: What if Barney was a murder for hire? And what if he got a crush on his target? What would happen then? Well I'm gonna write exactly that so we'll both see what happens
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	1. Barney listens to Dolly Parton and this is a FACT

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!!!! I am new to Half-Life so if the characters are a little off I'm sorry!! I just love Barney and Gordon so much..... I just want them to be happy..... I hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it :-) also sorry if I don't respond to comments I promise ill read all of them I'm just bad at replying

Another day another dollar. Barney sighed as he counted the money he was paid upfront as per his contract. He had already counted it but it just felt nice to count it all out. Plus it was a _hefty_ sum of money. Now what he does is a little _unconventional_ but you gotta do what you can to survive and in Barney’s case that meant doing some… Less than legal things. But don’t think him cruel, he doesn’t enjoy what he does but he’s used to it by now. But this hit was a bit more exciting.

Some “Dr. Breen” had contacted him and paid him to take out that big shot Gordon Freeman. Now he didn’t tend to get too comfy with his clients or his targets but Freeman seemed… Different. First off he wasn’t just some cheating ex-husband or someone’s dick head boss. Second, he was an activist. Barney tried not to let Politics get in the way but someone was in the right here and it wasn’t Breen. 

But hey money’s money isn’t it? He already got his deposit as he called it and now it was time for the research part. He always hated this part. The watching, monitoring, and stalking essentially. It was the longest part and the most inconvenient. But whatever. Breen gave Barney a bit of Gordon’s schedule. Said he hired a private eye or something. Didn’t really matter. 

Barney looked over the notes he was given on Freeman and that he had already added to. The guy was mute and used ASL. Barney should probably brush up on his ASL then. He knew enough to get by and hold a conversation from a previous target and some of his clients used it so it came in handy. 

All of the target’s social medias weren’t the most exciting but they were fairly active, a lot of posting about petitions, events, protests, things people can do, stuff like that. Barney looked at the bits of Freeman’s schedule and came to the conclusion that he’d have to follow him around to fill in the blanks. God that was always so annoying. Barney checked the time and decided to pack up for the night and plan tomorrow. 

Barney began to pack all the stuff away as he got a knock on his door. He quickly put it all away and answered the door. Turns out it was just a neighbor, apparently, his mail got put in the wrong box. That’s good. Wasn’t the cops. He politely thanked them and end the conversation as soon as he could and looked at what he had been given. 

A letter from his mom. Of course. Ma did always love old fashioned things like snail mail. But suddenly a cold chill ran down Barney’s back. What if something happened to her? He quickly ripped open the envelope and tossed it to the side to focus on the letter. 

…

A wave of relief washed over him as he realized she was just sending him a letter to check up on him. Nearly scared him half to death. She thanked him for the money he was sending and keeping the lights on and being able to have the nice nurse by her side. She mentioned doing better and feeling genuinely good for the first time in a while. 

She also asked how Barney was and if he was lonely out in the big city all by himself. And “subtly” hinted and him maybe finding a nice woman to settle down with and other things old moms try and get their kids to do. Barney rolled his eyes. She knew he was gay but still held out some hope that he’d be straight and he just wasn’t in the mood to argue with her about that. 

Barney decided he’d write her back later. He enjoyed talking with his mom like this despite her flaws and issues he loved her. Hell, he was kinda doing this whole thing to be able to support her. She didn’t know of course. Every time she asked he just told her that he had a well-paying job in the city. She didn’t know. And if Barney had any say about it she never would.

Barney grabbed the letter and envelope and took them to his office and puts them on his desk. He then realizes he hasn’t had dinner yet and decides to make himself an actual meal instead of blowing some of the money he just got on delivery, as tempting as it was. As he closes his office door he pulls out his phone to find a good recipe for just about anything.

He soon finds one and is pleased to find that he has all the ingredients he needs and turns on some tunes as he cooks. It makes the apartment feel a little less lonely and helps him focus actually. But his thoughts come back around to work. 

He’ll need to do more in-person research on his target and either find a gap in his schedule before the date Breen gave him or make a gap in Gordon’s schedule. Maybe some good ol’ fashioned southern charm will get Gordon alone and make his job easier. He chuckles to himself as he cooks. Yeah right. That usually worked on people who didn’t immediately think Barney was a total dunce. Barney usually liked to tease friends by putting on a heavy accent and adding a bit more drawl to his voice. Or he’d like to if he ever had the opportunity to really make friends. 

Barney was a bit standoffish as a child. Lots of things were happening in his life and none of them were good. Then as an adult, he made a few work friends who he’d occasionally get drinks with but then something happened and now he’s here. 

He’s not proud of himself but hey. Gotta eat to live and live to eat you know? He made do with what he had and now he can live relatively comfortably. Isn’t that the dream?


	2. Gordon's just a little paranoid. Or is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont use ASL so i dont know the proper grammar or hand movements so all of gordons dialogue will just be in american english in brackets [like this] just so you know!! Hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Ughhhhh. This dude is so booooring. He’s just been sitting in this cafe for hooouuurss. He’s just been reading the whole time too like ugh what a nerd. Could he just like, oh Barney doesn’t know… DO SOMETHING? How does someone just sit and read in a cafe for so long? What is this, a boring movie based on an okay at best YA novel?

Barney even put a tracker on him in case he left but it looks like that was pointless. At least he wasn’t too harsh on the eyes. Dressed like… What was it called? Dark… Dark something… Dark academia! Yeah, that was it! He had a turtle neck, plaid pants, and even a chain on his glasses. What a ner- oh fuck he’s looking up from his book. 

There was an odd man that Gordon had noticed in the cafe. He had been there almost about the same amount of time as him. He brushed it off though. It’s not like this place was super-secret or anything and the guy had a laptop out so he was probably just doing work. Gordon was just paranoid. He watched the guy for a little longer before he went back to his book. Eli and Alyx should be here soon. He was meeting with them to talk about plans. More specifically plans for a fundraiser. 

Oh just in time! Gordon’s eyes drifted from the stranger to the door as the little bell chimed and Alyx quickly spotted him and her and her dad came and sat down with him. Gordon put his book away and signed hello with a smile. 

“Hey there Gordon. How’s it been?” Eli smiled as he pulled up a chair from an empty table nearby and Alyx sat down in the chair in front of him. “Hey, uncle Gordon!” Gordon waved before he signed. [Hey guys. I’ve been alright. How about you two?] Alyx smiles as she pulls a tablet out of her bag. “We’ve been good! Planning is going well on my end and I managed to secure a place for us to hold the fundraiser.” Eli gives her a pat on the shoulder and chuckles. “That’s my girl. She can be real persuasive when she wants to be.” Alyx rolls her eyes fondly as Gordon smiles. [She’s been really helpful during this whole thing. Neither of us are really in touch with the youth huh Eli?] Eli waves him off with a quiet laugh. “Gordon you are twenty-seven. You can’t start calling yourself old yet.” Alyx giggles and the three begin to set out plans and double-check things. 

Barney sat back, taking notes on his laptop, mostly getting context on what’s happening from what he saw Gordon sign and whatever the other two said that he overheard. It seemed to be something about a fundraising party. Luckily it was happening before Gordon needed to be dead. Maybe it’d be a chance for a more dramatic hit. Maybe he’d be able to get his business more known. Who knows. Plus Barney enjoyed going out and having fun every now and then and that party would probably be at least a little fun. 

Barney continued to “work” and watch Gordon, making notes and making sure he wasn’t drawing any gazes but luckily he wasn’t. It’s not like the place was packed or totally empty but there were a few empty tables. It was a nice place. He might actually come back. Too bad, he’d lose the sight of the pretty boy in a turtle neck. He sighed and sipped the drink he got earlier that had gone cold but he didn’t mind. It still had caffeine which meant it’d still keep him focused. He glanced over at Gordon and accidentally met eyes with him and quickly looked at his laptop screen. 

Gordon happened to look up and meet eyes with the guy at the other table and before he could smile or wave the guy looked away. Huh. Alright. Gordon brushes it off and goes back to talking with his friends. “Hey, Gordon what was that?” Alyx asks which makes Gordon give a confused look. [What do you mean?] “You just raised your hand up but didn’t sign or anything.” It clicked for Gordon and he waved it off. [There’s a guy at the next table over who’s been there almost as long as I have. He seems busy. It’s nothing.] Alyx immediately looked behind her and gets a glance at the guy. He seemed a little creepy to Alyx but whatever.

Much later Gordon was alone as he walked to his apartment. But he felt like something was following him but every time he looked over his shoulder there was nothing. Maybe he was just being paranoid. Yeah, that had to be it. Nothing else. 

There wasn’t any _thing_ behind Gordon but there was some _one_ behind Gordon. Barney carefully walked far enough behind Gordon that it wasn’t obvious he was following him but close enough to still see him and quiet enough to not get noticed. Every time Gordon looked over his shoulder Barney would just lean on a wall or dip into an alley for a second. This could be his moment but if someone was expecting Gordon home then there would obviously be a problem. And he still had plenty of time to figure out how to do it _right_. This moment didn’t feel right. Barney didn’t know why he’s done a couple of cases something similar to this exact moment so why not?

Barney thought maybe it was because Gordon was a man in the public eye. And if he was alive in it he should die in it as well. Why find his body on the sidewalk when they could find it on a balcony? Much more dignified if you ask him. 

While lost in thought Barney missed a twig under his shoe that cracked loudly as soon as he stepped on it. Barney quickly ducked into the nearest alley.

 _Snap._ Something behind Gordon snapped. As Gordon looked behind him he saw the last bit of shoe going into an alley. So he was being followed. That wasn’t good. Instead of sticking around Gordon began running home. He was close enough that it wasn’t too long of a run.

As Gordon closed his apartment door behind him he locked it and leaned on it. Maybe he wasn’t followed by a person and it was just an animal and he was nervous so he thought it was a person. Either way, he was putting a chair under the doorknob tonight. He walked over to his couch and sat, running his hands through his short hair, and in an attempt to get his mind off what just happened he thought about the fundraiser.

Most of the details hadn’t been confirmed but it was becoming less of a vague idea and more of a loose plan which was good. Once Gordon was calm he went about getting ready for bed, including putting a chair under the doorknob. Just in case.


	3. The imagery............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI IM SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG IVE BEEN Busy AND HAVENT FELT SUPER INSPIRED BUT I FINALLY FINISHED THIS CHAPTER <3 I ACTUALLY LIKE IT <3

The wind rushed past Barney’s ears as he reached out hopelessly to the sky as if it would catch him. As if it cared. As if anything beyond the blue and the clouds cared. He saw the tips of wings out of the corners of his eyes and assuming they belonged to him, he tried to soar. But all he ended up doing was falling faster.

He didn’t know how he ended up here. He didn’t know what lead to these events. All he knew was that he was falling and there didn’t seem to be a chance for him to slow his fall at all. He didn’t know if he’d hit land or sea or which was worse. There was no hope for him. 

And so he fell.

Farther, 

Farther,

Farther,

And farther still.

A splash.

So it was the ocean. But when he opened his eyes there was no sting of saltwater or pressure on his chest. Instead, it was a city skyline. The sun was beginning to set as he laid on his stomach on a roof with a rifle, silencer on, scope pointed, moment waiting. The target stood on the balcony alone, everything was ready for him to take the shot.

But he didn’t. Why couldn’t he pull the trigger? He’d done it before multiple times. Why was this time different? 

Then the recoil came in. He did it. The target was dead. Now to leave. 

When Barney stood up the world was different. He was standing on a beach hugging himself as he stared out where the sky met the sea. He jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulder and when he looked he saw an absolutely gorgeous man… Why did his face look familiar? The man seemed kind at first, his glasses holding some of the sunset in them, his goatee looking almost warm and inviting. 

That was before he turned Barney around to fully face him and pushed him into the ocean and once they were out at deeper waters and Barney tried to reason with the man he shoved him under, the sting of saltwater in his eyes and filling his lungs were feelings he expected earlier but he was getting it now as he thrashed and tried to escape from the man holding him down. The clouds seemed to be laughing at him as he struggled, feathers floating up slowly past his eyes as water filled his lungs like it does a cup and bubbles leaving his mouth as he attempted to scream but there was no point.

When Barney woke up with a jolt he sighed and rubbed his face. Being awake was becoming almost more restful than actually sleeping. He had had his fair share of nightmares. It pretty much came with the line of work. They were worse when he first started but at some point, he got used to them and they stopped making him wake up in a puddle of his own sweat. The drowning was new though. 

Barney groaned as he sat up, checking his phone for any new updates. The party Freeman would be at had been confirmed and a date had been set. Now to find out the venue and scope it out, get a feel for the layout and all that. 

Barney had expected to be able to get in, look around some, and get out. Maybe he’d take a few pictures of more private areas. What he wasn’t expecting was Freeman and his group. It was the girl and the older man from the cafe and a new old man as well. The people Freeman hung out with didn’t make much sense to Barney but that wasn’t what was important. He couldn’t just leave he was pretending to be an inspector. He’d probably have to talk to them. Fuck.

Okay, he could do this. It was all about confidence and staying calm. Barney was good at that. He waved at the group and moved on to “inspect” things. 

“Hey, mister! Can we ask why you’re here?”

Or maybe he’d do that later. Barney quickly slipped on a plain voice. None of his classic southern twang was needed for this. He didn’t need to be recognizable. “Hm? Yes, young lady how may I help you?” 

The girl walked up to him, the older man from the cafe following close behind. “We didn’t hear about anyone else being here so if you don’t mind me asking what are you doing here?” Barney tightened his tie as he gave a professional smile. “Just doing some surprise routine inspection. Have to catch places like this off guard. I won’t get in your way at all. Mind if I ask what you two are doing?” 

The girl looked him up and down and the older man spoke up before she could. “We’re reviewing this place for a fundraiser were planning.” Barney nodded and pretended to think. “I’ll tell you how this place would do.” And with that Barney gave a smile and wave before he walked away to “inspect” things. 

Barney hit all the rooms that he possibly could and made sure to mentally mark which were more secluded. There was also a patio which could be good. 

As Barney was nearing the exit to be done with this until the party there was a tap on his shoulder which made him look around. 

Gordon Freeman. His target.

[Hello! Alyx told me that you were an inspector. How does everything look from a professional standpoint?] Gordon signed with a smile, which widened as Barney replied. “Yes, that would be me. The building looks good, Alyx is the young woman with you right? Her or who I assume is her father mentioned you were holding a fundraiser. Mind if I ask what for?” 

[You know sign? That makes this so much easier. But yeah we’re holding a fundraiser. It’s more of a publicity thing since I’m kind of a public figure I guess? It’s weird for me. I’m a theoretical physicist turned activist so it’s a huge career shift for me.] Barney chuckled, nodding a little. “Yeah, I bet it is. You seem to be handling the pressure well though. Being in the public eye can’t be easy.” 

The small talk continued for a bit longer before Eli, Barney had learned that that was the older man’s name and he was indeed the girl’s father, pulled Gordon away to confirm more details and Barney slipped away while Gordon wasn’t looking.

He was starting to reconsider this particular murder. Gordon seemed like a good guy. Then again so did a certain _someone_ from his past. Barney had learned that you can’t trust people. Hell, even he couldn’t be trusted. He was a murder for hire. Trusting people was pointless. More often than not you were better off on your own. Nobody can take better care of you than yourself.

That was a lesson he had learned that he held close to his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> watch me yell about barney on tumblr @gordosfeetman and maybe send me an ask about how you want me to update sooner next time

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to the hlvrai/hl god bless server for helping me make this... maybe barney will become part of team fucked up idk well see JNCDNJDSJNDAS anyway my Tumblr is gordosfeetman so if you have feedback you can message me there or also put it in the comments :-)


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